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My blog is personal. It's real. It's about me. It's about life's struggles. It's about amazing grace. Relentless hope. Second Chances. True Recovery. It's my journey. Thanks for joining me!

10.19.2011

Can we just be real, please?

Probably one of the greatest consequences of the Fall, besides of course the entrance of sin and death into the world, is the human tendency to wear a mask.  If you remember, one of the first things Adam and Eve did after they ate the forbidden fruit was to try to cover themselves up-- to try to hide their shame, sin, and newly discovered nakedness.

This trend has followed us since that unfortunate day.  It has even followed us into the church.  We put on our Sunday face, clothes, and vocabulary, and go to gather together with other believers and play "pretend".  We are all doing just fine.  No family issues.  No financial messes. No addictions.  No rebellious children.  No hurt.  No pain.  And then we go home exhausted from "faking it" all day.

My heart hurts that we can't be authentic in church.  Or at least we won't.  Everyone knows that the first step to conquering any life problem is admitting that it's there.  So, why aren't we real??  We may be fooling everyone else, but deep down we long to be able to show who we really are and still be accepted and loved.  I know I do.

In the book of I John, we read that "If we claim that we experience a shared life with him (Jesus) and continue to stumble around in the dark, we're obviously lying through our teeth--we're not LIVING what we claim.  But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God's Son, purges all our sin."

How many "Christians" walk into church pretending to be all cleaned up inside, but with so much darkness on the inside.  They are drowning in their own hurt, pain, and addictions, but who would know?  I would rather know who someone really is with all their junk, then only get to know the superficial Suzie and the happy-all-the-time Harry.

One of the greatest benefits of walking in the light, or walking in the truth, is to be able "share fellowship" with one another.  Or get to "share life" together.  I long for REAL community with REAL people with REAL issues.  We all have them.  Let's stop pretending that there are "those people" who have issues and then there's the rest of us who have it all together.  Come on, nobody really believes that.

So, be real.. be authentic.. and learn to be a safe person that people can be real with...  Let's love and not judge, let's live our lives openly before God and each other...  That's the only way authentic relationship can exist in this fallen world...

Blessings!

10.18.2011

Future Faith

Anxiety is one of the strongest emotions a human body can feel.  It is also one of the most debilitating.  It can paralyze you.  Keep you from moving forward in your life, and rob you of peace, sleep, and joy.

Having been diagnosed with panic disorder almost 10 years ago, I know how anxiety can ravage the body, soul, and spirit.  When I'm dealing with anxiety, I can't eat..literally.  My gag reflex goes into high gear and my body rejects food.  My soul feels hopeless and disconnected.  My spirit fights to keep the faith.

So, what do we do with anxiety?  How can we recover from it's debilitating grip?  This may sound cliche, but we have to keep our eyes on Jesus.  And more specifically, vizualize Jesus with us in the present and in the future.

We can get so caught up worrying about what the future entails with regards to finances, relationships, job situations, health issues that we think we somehow have to bear our future on our own.

When was the last time that you thought about your future and imagined Jesus in the future with you?  Sarah Young says, "Anxiety is the result of envisioning your future without me (Jesus)".   Boy, am I guilty of that sometimes.  I make plans and lists, develop strategies and action steps, but it is all an attempt to control my future so I know I will be successful and strong.  It's not very often that I vizualize Jesus in the future.

In one of Jesus' famous sermons, He says, "Do not worry about your life, what you WILL eat; or about your body, what you WILL wear."  The word "will" has never popped out to me like it did a few days ago.  Don't worry about future needs.  Instead, develop a deep, relationship with Father who knows what you need and is already in the future now working things for your good.

Anxious?  When looking at today or tomorrow, picture Jesus with you there.

Blessings!

10.14.2011

A Forced Rest

"He makes me lie down in green pastures..."

Probably one of the most well-known passages in all of the Bible, Psalm 23 is often used as to speak peace to someone who is in turmoil or to being comfort to someone in fear or pain.

My daughter has memorized Psalm 23.  I have heard it at several funerals.  I have said it at night as I am trying to sleep and my brain won't shut off.

This week, I am in the green pastures lying down.  Because I'm on vacation?  No..  Because I have been forced to rest.

I am in the last month of pregnancy and having some complications and my doctor has said, "REST!"  Do not overdo it.  Rest for your health and the health of the baby.  Rest.

I have a tendency to overdo it.  I am a doer.  A mover.  A shaker.  An overachiever.  A "yes" person.

And I pay for it sometimes.  I get overwhelmed.  Exhausted.  Burned Out.  I feel pressure to perform.  I feel guilty for saying no.  I tend to always feel in a hurry, even when I don't need to be rushed at all.  I have codependent tendencies.

There have been specific times in my life that the Lord has had to "make me lie down in green pastures".  Faced with a bout of clinical depression at one point, my counselor said to me that he would just write me a prescription for a very long vacation if he could.  I needed to rest.  I needed to take better care of myself.

So with this forced rest I am on now, I have had to say no to many people.  To several opportunities.  I have had to be still for many hours at a time.  I have had to let people help me. (Ouch!)  I have had to have Jesus remind me that more important than being a "doer" is "being with Jesus".

I am hoping that I am learning the lesson of resting and further along in that journey than before.  After all, it is much better to develop a habit of rest, a sabbath, than to have to submit to a forced rest.

So, do yourself a favor... REST!

Blessings!

10.04.2011

The Safety Net of Life

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in Ecclesiates 4:9 -12.  It is a longer passage, but I think you will benefit from me writing it here:

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person fals, the other can reach out for help.  But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.  Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm.  But how can one be warm alone?  A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.  Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

If you've ever had to face life completely alone, you know how impossible it seems.  My heart goes out to single moms, widows, and orphans.  People who are alone.

But then again, all of us need each other.  We need a support system, a safety net, a shoulder to cry on.

I think loneliness is one of the most painful feelings a person can have.  The feeling of having nobody on your side.  No one who cares.  No one who calls.  No one who checks in on you.

In the middle of life's trials, there is nothing that can hurt us more than to allow the enemy to isolate us form the people around us, even if we are not feeling like being around anybody.  You have to reach out.  God never intended you or me to go through life alone.  There is life, joy, love, and hope in community.  And each one of us needs it.

I want to encourage you to look at your life and identify your support system.  Who are the people that are your community?  Your family, friends, pastors, doctors, neighbors, and others can all have a role in your support network.  You need to be able to be honest with these people.  To not pretend everything's okay when it's not.  Choose to be more dependent and not feel like you have to so much on your own.

The world ingrains independence into our brains from an early age.  And sure, I am not talking about needing a crutch.  What I am talking about is loving one another.  Laying down our lives for each other. Bearing each other's burdens.

Don't walk life's road alone.

Blessings!

10.01.2011

The Power of Empathy

Have you been at a breaking point in your life, a crisis, a tragedy, a low time, and you just wished you could talk to someone who could relate?

There are people who SAY they understand and then there are people who REALLY understand.  

Empathy is a powerful gift.  If we're honest, most of us wish we couldn't relate to people's tragedies because that means we have had to face some tough trials in our own lives.  But the amazing thing about trials is that God uses our trials to comfort others.  

I remember (vividly) when I started having panic attacks and faced severe depression after my first baby was born.  I was so afraid that I was going to live the rest of my life in that state.  I looked at other "normal" people and was so hurt that I would never feel normal again.  I would never be happy again.  I would never enjoy life again.

A pastor on staff with us who was in the middle of a fight with bone cancer took me aside one day, and told me how depression had consumed him for months.  I couldn't believe it.  He seemed pretty normal to me.  He was able to laugh.  To enjoy life. To smile.  He told me that I was in a season that would pass.  That gave me such hope to know he had been there and come out the other side.

Sure, there were many others who offered words of encouragement and prayers, and all of those gestures were very meaningful, but there is something very powerful about empathy and testimony.

There were also others who judged me because I was a depressed, anxious Christian.  How is that possible?  I must not have had enough faith for myself.  I needed to just snap out of it.  They had all the "answers" but no compassion or empathy.  Honestly, these "Christian" people made me question the love of Christ.  Was I unacceptable to Him because I was struggling?  Absolutely not!

The people God put in my path who showed empathy, compassion, and unconditional love were truly life savers for me.

I hope you will allow God to redeem your pain by allowing you to comfort someone else who is struggling with life.  And I hope when you face hurts and hurdles in life that you will find an empathetic friend who will help you to come out the other side as an overcomer.

Blessings!

9.28.2011

The Art of Receiving

Many of us have heard the biblical truth, "It is better to give than to receive."  I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.

However, some take this to the extreme by giving, giving, and giving some more until they have nothing left.  They become empty.  Dry.  Critical.  Cynical.  Depressed.  Resentful.  Bitter.  Exhausted.

I have a tendency to be a "yes" person even if what I am saying yes to is not in my best interest or the interest of my family.  I tend to just "make it work".  After all, I don't want to disappoint anyone or let anyone down.  God has asked us to serve, to give, to deny ourselves.  Right?

But then I look at Jesus.  He had to take time away from the crowds to recharge, to refresh, to listen and receive from His Father.  I think of when Jesus says, "Come to me, and I will give you rest."

Yes, it is better to give than to receive, but if we never receive, we will have nothing to give.  Honestly, I am not the best receiver.  It's awkward for me to receive compliments, praise, gifts, and even love.  I am not good at it.  And yet, deep down, I want those things.  Especially love.

When you are a doer, it is easy to forget to just BE God's child and let him pour His love into you.  After all, there are too many things to do, too many people that need us, for us to take time to just sit and allow God's peace to rush our souls.

Yes, there is a lot to be said for the art of giving...but that's for another day.  Today, take some time and stop, listen, breathe deep, remember whose you are, and let Your Father pour into you... Today, learn the art of receiving...

Blessings!

9.22.2011

Willing yourself to Believe

On Sunday, we introduced a new song at our church.  It's called "Forever Reign" and it's written by Kristian Stanfill and Jason Ingram, I believe.  The bridge in essence goes like this, "My heart will sing no other name, Jesus, Jesus."

Just hearing the body of Christ sing it together is enough to lift your faith, but my focus that morning and this week had been on the word "WILL".  My heart WILL sing.

I'll be really transparent.  I haven't been feeling much like singing lately.  I am 32 weeks pregnant, which is a huge blessing.  However, I tend to have difficult pregnancies.  This one hasn't been my worst, but it also hasn't been the best.  I always deal with depression and anxiety during pregnancy.  It is a struggle for the whole nine months.  And this pregnancy has been especially difficult with lack of sleep, fatigue, and some pulled muscle that makes life difficult.

Don't get me wrong.  I am VERY excited for our sweet girl to come... but the getting there is not easy.

I have had to will myself to sing.  To worship.  To praise.  To trust.

Some days I just cry out to God.  Other days God gives me a glimpse of our little one to come and it spurs me on through the day.

Now, I have just been more transparent with you than with most people in my life.  Most people would not even believe that I have struggles like this.  Not because I pretend not to, but because I just don't tell very many people.

There are times in our lives when we have to CHOOSE to worship.  Through depression.  Through tears.  Through pain.  Through life, really.

It is a choice for me everyday.  Honestly, I don't feel like it.  But I know I NEED to put the Lord in His rightful place in my life everyday in order to be sustained.  I know I have to get my eyes fixed on Him.  Do I still have hard days?  You bet.  But I know He is with me.  And I WILL sing His name.

Blessings!

9.21.2011

Hurt vs. Harm

One of my favorite Proverbs says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

At first glance, this proverb may seem contradictory.  Wounds can never be a good thing, right?  They hurt.  They burn.  They sting.  Friends aren't supposed to wound us.  They are supposed to support us. Love us.  Stand beside us.  Encourage us.  Make us laugh and feel better about ourselves.

Sure, these are great qualifications for a true friend.  Honestly, though, we need friends who will also be real with us when we are making bad choices.  Who will stand in the way of us walking down a harmful path.  Who will keep us accountable to the values and goals we have for our lives.  Does it hurt when a friend "wounds" us by doing these things?  You bet.  We may get defensive, give them the silent treatment, or post some vague comment on facebook about how we wish we had real friends.

But the truth is a friend who will "hurt" you so you won't "harm" yourself is a true friend.

We often think hurt and harm are synonyms.  Not really.  There are things in life that will hurt us, but they won't harm us.  It hurts my kids when I have to put them in a time-out from their computer games because they are mistreating each other.  Does that hurt them?  Yes, and I usually hear about it in high-pitched squeals.  But does it harm them?  No, it teaches them to value people.

Let's go a little deeper.  There are times God will allow pain into our lives that hurts, but it doesn't harm us.  In fact, it causes us to depend on Him even more.  To cling to Him even more.  And that is right where we should be.  The most painful times in my life have been the most intimate with Father (God) and Jesus.  Those times were very hurtful, but as I look at my life now, I see that those times not only didn't harm me but they have shaped me into the person I am today... more graceful, more merciful, more empathetic, more real.

I am thankful for friends who are willing to get in my face sometimes and not LET ME walk down a path that leads to harm.  Do you have that kind of friend in your life?  Or do you get offended and push those friends away?  Remember, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

Blessings!

9.20.2011

An Unquenchable Love

Matt Redman, one of my favorite worship leaders/songwriters, and author of The Unquenchable Worshiper, states, "Situations change for better and for worse, but God's worth never changes."

Life is full of "situations".  The phone calls that make my heart race are the ones that start with the words, "There is a situation".  Immediately, I wonder what's wrong.  What happened?  Is everything going to be okay? 

Whenever I hear the sirens of a fire truck or ambulance, I immediately pray and hope for the best in what could be a horrible situation.

There have been many "situations" in my own life that seemed dire and hopeless.  My first run-in with clinical depression and agoraphobia.  Panic attacks.  Marital infidelity.  A pregnancy that was life-threatening. 

All of these "situations" put me in a place of decision.  Will I allow my love and trust for my Father (God) to be quenched, or will I throw myself completely into His grace and tender love for me?

"Situations" can cause us to grow bitter toward God.  We all know people who are angry at God.  Really angry.  Most would claim to be atheists and say they don't believe God even really exists.  I tend to view these folks as angry theists.  They know there's a God and they are bitter toward Him.  He didn't intervene in time.  He didn't respond the way they thought He should.  He seemed absent when they needed Him most.

Maybe you're there... maybe you are angry at God.  God can handle your questions about why "situations" had to happen, but He can't allow you to love Him if you won't let Him.  He will let you have your anger, even though He wants so desperately to show you His love.

Our "situations" can drive us to God or drive us away from Him.  I have chosen, though not always an easy choice, to allow my love for God to not be quenched in those times of despair.  God's worth to me, His love for me, His tender care toward me have caused me to persevere through tough times.  He becomes more valuable to me than any family member, friend, possession, or coping mechanism when I feel hopeless.

I want to have a love for God that "always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" (I Corinthians 13:7)

I choose to worship Him in the darkest situations.  And I pray that you will choose the same...

Blessings! 

9.19.2011

Perpetual Pleasure vs Perpetual Hope

Samuel Johnson said, "The human mind moves not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope."

Let's be real.  If you have lived more than a day, you have probably had moments that were not pleasurable.  Moments of disappointment, betrayal, confusion, anxiety, despair.  We may be permitted to pursue happiness, but happiness rarely pursues us.  Many live stressful days, weeks, years.  So many are plagued by disease.  Hurt by those who "love" them.  Abandoned by friends and family.  Drowning in a sea of financial chaos.

Sounds like something I want to sign up for...ha!  We really don't get a choice.  Life happens.

We do have a choice whether to choose hope in the midst of our circumstances.  We may not see a way around our circumstances, but God has promised to be with us and near us as we navigate the difficulties of this life.  Hope is certain of one thing.  God WILL get us through.  Hope helps us see a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel when all the happenings around us point to utter darkness.

So, if you find yourself today going from trial to trial, don't despair.  God is taking you from hope to hope, and his hope doesn't disappoint.

Blessings!

1.01.2011

Forgotten...and Remembered

It's worth repeating that, "We tend to remember what we should forget and forget what we should remember." (Mark Batterson, blog)

Happy New Year!!

At the end of every year, most of us tend to reflect on the past year's accomplishments, failures, great moments, and painful memories.  It's easy to relive each moment as if we were living in it once again.  This can truly be both a blessing and a curse.

This year, I hope you will resolve to forget those things that need forgetting.  Don't keep a list of every wrong that was done to you, every hurtful word, every argument.  AND Don't keep a list of all your failures.  Allow yourself to accept the past year for what it was, and walk in the blessing of a New Year, a new opportunity for God to work His purposes in your life, a new hope for the best year ever.

Also, resolve to remeber the important things.  Most importantly, who you are in Christ.  You are accepted, you are chosen, you are a saint, and you are dearly loved!!  You are everything He has made you to be, and no less.  You have a purpose and He can accomplish it through you.  Don't forget to remember what Christ has done for you.  His death gives you an all-access pass to the Father.  That is definitely a relationship worth building in this new year!!

This year I hope you will forget what you should forget and remember what you should remember!!

Blessings!
Amanda