Willing yourself to Believe

On Sunday, we introduced a new song at our church.  It's called "Forever Reign" and it's written by Kristian Stanfill and Jason Ingram, I believe.  The bridge in essence goes like this, "My heart will sing no other name, Jesus, Jesus."

Just hearing the body of Christ sing it together is enough to lift your faith, but my focus that morning and this week had been on the word "WILL".  My heart WILL sing.

I'll be really transparent.  I haven't been feeling much like singing lately.  I am 32 weeks pregnant, which is a huge blessing.  However, I tend to have difficult pregnancies.  This one hasn't been my worst, but it also hasn't been the best.  I always deal with depression and anxiety during pregnancy.  It is a struggle for the whole nine months.  And this pregnancy has been especially difficult with lack of sleep, fatigue, and some pulled muscle that makes life difficult.

Don't get me wrong.  I am VERY excited for our sweet girl to come... but the getting there is not easy.

I have had to will myself to sing.  To worship.  To praise.  To trust.

Some days I just cry out to God.  Other days God gives me a glimpse of our little one to come and it spurs me on through the day.

Now, I have just been more transparent with you than with most people in my life.  Most people would not even believe that I have struggles like this.  Not because I pretend not to, but because I just don't tell very many people.

There are times in our lives when we have to CHOOSE to worship.  Through depression.  Through tears.  Through pain.  Through life, really.

It is a choice for me everyday.  Honestly, I don't feel like it.  But I know I NEED to put the Lord in His rightful place in my life everyday in order to be sustained.  I know I have to get my eyes fixed on Him.  Do I still have hard days?  You bet.  But I know He is with me.  And I WILL sing His name.

Blessings!