Where Pain and Hope Collide

Telling your story of recovery is freeing, liberating, inspiring... and painful.

In the last month, I have had to "re-live" my past on a consistent basis, or at least it has felt that way.  

With every crisis phone call, and every person seeking hope, I have an opportunity to share how God has brought hope into my hopelessness, and restored me when I was at my lowest point.  Sounds great, right?  It is!  God has been faithful to me and never abandoned me in my pain.  However, there was still pain... and pain is painful.

As I relay my hope-filled story, I am reminded of a pain-filled past.  Painful memories flood my mind and tears begin to stream down my cheeks as I remember the betrayal and hurt that reside in the calendar days of a few years ago.  I don't want to feel those feelings but they are a part of my story.  

So, I have options... Do I not tell my story so I don't have to remember the pain of the past?  Or do I put walls around my heart as I tell the story and live in denial that the past hurt so deeply so that telling my story is easier?  Or, do I tell my story, pain and all, so that it can help one more person know that there is hope even in the greatest pain...

For me, the answer is clear.  I will not let the pain of my past keep my story under lock and key, unavailable to be read by someone who may desperately need to know that in all the pain, there is hope.

There is always hope. 

With my story, comes pain. But... with my story, comes hope.

Blessings!

More Than a Cheesy Saying

We used to say in our 12-step group that the program only works if you work it, so keep on working it because you're worth it!

At first, I just thought it was a really cheesy saying. But I said it just like everyone else. Then something happened. I started to believe it.

I started to believe that it was no one else's responsibility to make me well. It was my responsibility to work on my recovery. And recovery is hard work. It's introspection to the nth degree. It's open and raw vulnerability. It's painful digging up hurts, uprooting old habits, repairing damaged relationships.

But recovery programs only work if you work the program.

And you will only work the program if you believe you are worth recovering.

Blaming other people for where you are in life will keep you from recovering.

Shaming yourself because of what you've done will keep you from recovering.

First, you have to believe that YOU need recovery.

Yes..you! We can easily pinpoint all the people in our lives that NEED help.  And usually it's everyone but us. If the people around us would get it together than life would be better. The quality of your life doesn't have to depend on the people around you. You can become healthy and whole when you take ownership for your own issues and start the recovery process.

Second, you have to believe you are worth recovery.

And you are. I believe you are. God created you and has a plan for you. He believes you are worth recovery. Take a minute and think about what the "recovered you" would like.  Then know that God wants you to get there. Can you envision yourself actually liking yourself?

Don't wait... You are worth it!  Reach out for help. Take initiative for your own recovery. You are not alone.

Blessings!

The Most Important RSVP

I read a quote today that reminded me of me.  Mark Batterson, in his book, The Circle Maker, says, "If you are not praying TO God, then you are PLAYING God."

I find myself trying to "play" God often.  I try to figure something out on my own. I try to rescue someone out of their circumstances. I focus on self-help rather than Spirit-help.

Maybe you find yourself in the same boat. Prayer is reserved for when I REALLY, REALLY need help -- when I've gotten myself in a royal mess, and can't see the way out. When I don't have any energy left. When my reserves are depleted. When I remember that He was there waiting for me to call out to Him all the time...

I am so thankful that God is a God of amazing grace! He doesn't say "I told you so"!  He listens and replies and I listen and reply, and life is back to normal again.

Why is it that when I have tasted the sweetness of intimacy with my Heavenly Father that it's so easy for me to go back to self-sufficiency again? I honestly don't know, except that I am a go-getter, mass producer, implementer, type A crazy person who seems to always have to learn the hard way.

I find myself in the pig sty with the prodigal son wondering how I got there AGAIN! Why was I okay with going off on my own to try to figure the world out for myself?  When will I ever "get it"?

By God's grace, I find that I am "getting it" a little more each and every day.  I hear my Father calling me... and I run to Him. I sense the Spirit wooing me into a special time of worship and prayer, and I RSVP immediately.

It is a daily choice to develop deeper intimacy or to develop better "methods" of dealing with life.

Thankfully, I am finding more and more that I am choosing intimacy over the insanity of trying the same methods and hoping for different and better results.

What about you?  Do you find yourself in the boat of self-sufficiency, paddling frantically to stay on course?  If so, put the paddles down and raise the sail and let the Holy Spirit lead the boat to where He wants your destination to be. You will arrive to your destination energized instead of exhausted... rested instead of rushed... hopeful instead of harried...

Stop playing God and start praying to Him... all the time.

Blessings!

The Ugly Word

Selfishness. Not a word I like to associate myself with. It's an ugly word. It's something I teach my kids is super bad! Yet I find myself at my core a selfish person.

Every time I find myself dealing with temptation, I find my selfishness at the core of it.  I want something I can't have. I want more of something that I already have enough of. I want my own way. I want to buy more things. I want to have more me time. I want. I want. I want.

Sounds ugly when I say it out loud. 

Learning to be content is a process. But it starts with a decision to say "enough is enough". I have enough. I am enough. I don't lack any good thing. 

And it's true. I don't lack any good thing. I have a relationship with Jesus Christ that I have never had to earn and should have never deserved. I have a husband who loves me for who I am and is my biggest fan on this planet. I have children who hug me and kiss me every day. I have friends who make me feel so valuable. I have my dream job! I have a home, two cars, and a hammock!

I am so blessed. 

And I would just bet that if you would take time to spell out your haves instead of your have-nots, you would see that you are amazingly blessed as well!

The next time selfishness tries to invade my brain... I will battle it with contentment because I have God's "more-than-enough". 

Recognizing that you are enough and have enough will help you move forward on the road to recovery.  So take that step forward today. Remember, it's one step at a time...

Blessings!

A year older..A year wiser?

Today is my birthday... Actually by the time you read this, my birthday will be passed.  I am a year older. It amazes me how much happens in just one year.  The people who come into your life.  The people who move out of your life for various reasons.

We added our 4th child since my last birthday.. Sweet Quinn.  She makes me smile EVERY day.  I am so blessed to be her mommy.

I'm so thankful that I have done more than just aged one more year.  Yes, I probably have more wrinkles now, and I now have to have my hair professionally colored to cover the grays.  However, I am wiser than I was last year and further down the road of recovery in my own life.

I am wiser to the enemy's schemes in my life.  I am wiser to the hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit.  I am wiser to who are the safe and unsafe people in my life.  I am wiser because I chose to learn instead of just age.

Have you ever noticed that some folks just age, but never grow in wisdom or in their intimacy with God? They get stuck in a rut year after year.  I have definitely been there. So I don't judge.  I just recognize the destructive patterns and pray that the God's truth and grace wins out in their lives.

I don't mind getting a year older as long as I have something to show for it.  More truth. More wisdom. More fruit. Even more wrinkles..Ha!!

God has been so faithful to me through all 33 of my years on this earth!  I pray that I can be faithful to Him for the rest of my life!

Don't fret birthdays!  Just celebrate the growth and life change you have experienced in one year's time!  God will work in you and through you day after day, week after week, month after month...year after year.

Blessings!

Hope on the Journey

Have you come across a struggle you couldn't overcome?  Have you tried and tried to no avail to live a righteous life for Christ, but find yourself returning to the same sin over and over?

This past week I have been reminded that we can not win a spiritual battle without the Spirit of God.  I don't have enough willpower, physical strength, or emotional energy to put the enemy to flight.  I can't do it.

And that is right where Christ meets me.  At the end of me, when I let Him take over, is when the battle is won.

Recovery is not an easy road.  There are days I want to give up and take an easier path.  I want to live a neutral life so the enemy takes his target off my back.  I want to feel safer.

God never called me to be safe, though.  He called me to be His ambassador, His mouthpiece, His witness.  On this journey, there are times I feel very UNsafe, and I don't like it.  I feel fear.  I feel anxiety. 

The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Phil. 4:13)

There are times I have doubted this verse.  I have not only felt like I could not do ALL things, but I have felt like I couldn't do anything.  

The problem is that I am relying on my own strength to accomplish, instead of relying on Christ's strength in me.  I try to defeat sin with my own willpower. Not possible.  I try to find peace through a coping mechanism.  Not true peace.

Because the Spirit of God lives inside of me, He can do all things through me.  But apart from Him, I can do NO thing that is good and pleasing to God.  

Do you find yourself there?  Are you at the end of your rope?

Go ahead and let go and know that your life will become an overcoming life when you stop trying so hard to win on your own and let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit in and through you.  Christ will live His life through you if you will stop trying to be a perfect Christian in your own strength.

God is FOR you...and so am I!

Blessings!