The "Fixer" Mentality and Why You Can Let Go

Sometimes I have to remind myself that "There is a God, and I am not Him." "There is a God, and I am not Him." "There is a God, and I am not Him." You get the idea.

Being the wife of a recovering addict is not an easy job. I have had to surrender my husband's recovery more times than I can count. I have had to pull my hands of control off his recovery program more than I want to admit. 

Honestly, I wish I could fix him. I wish I could just make it so he never had another struggle, another temptation, another slip. I wish I could rescue him and make everything better for him.  But I can't. 

I wish I could make sure that I would never be hurt again by his addiction. I wish there was a quick fix. A medication. A mantra. A yoga pose that would do the job in minutes. But there's not.

There is grace though. For him. For me. There is also Truth. Truth that will set us both free. And there is time. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Grace and truth over time. Sounds like a formula for recovery. And it is. 

I can't fix my husband. I can't fix me. But God can. And His grace is enough to sustain me while I apply His truth to my life every single moment of every day. 

So today, I again remind myself that "There is a God. A good God. A gracious God. A God full of truth. And I am not Him." And in this moment I am just fine with that. And I will remind myself of it again in the next. And the next. And the next.

Blessings!

With the Same Comfort

Three years ago, when my husband's affair was uncovered, the last thing on my mind was how "making it through" that time would help others make it through their "times".  I was in survival mode. However, this week I got to see how God can use my pain to work His grace in someone else's life.

A few months ago, I received a 911 Facebook message from a dear friend from college.  She had just been told of her husband's affair.  As I talked with her over two hours, I heard echoes of myself in the words she was saying and could empathize more than I wish I could.

Over several months, I have talked with her and heard her fears, struggles, anger, and grief.  Last night, I was privileged to see the miracle of reconciliation in her marriage as my husband and I (we are now reconciled) were able to have dinner with her and her husband and see the forgiveness and love and grace of God being given and received between the two of them.

If we will allow God to comfort us in our pain, He will allow us to comfort others with the same comfort we received.  But the caveat is that we must allow God to comfort us. There is purpose in our pain.  If we choose to grow bitter, and unforgiving, our pain will define us, bury us, and keep us from the amazing discovery that there is life after pain. And not just our lives, but the lives of others who will have hope because we have made it through to tell our story.

Being a victim may make us feel empowered, but there is no power in being a victim.  There is only prison.  Prisoner to our bitterness.  Prisoner to our hatred.  Prisoner to our feelings.

It is a choice to walk out of "victim" prison.  You have to decide to let God use your pain instead of your pain using you.  Your pain has purpose... and someone needs to hear your story to deal with the pain they're facing today.

Blessings!

Great Expectations

The New Year gets much hype.  It's easy to get caught up in the frenzy of setting all kinds of expectations for ourselves in the New Year.  I, too, have some goals for myself.  One is to write more.  Hence, I am writing this post today.  Writing is an outlet for me.  I have found it calms me and keeps me sane to write down my thoughts, ideas, anxieties, hopes, fears, burdens, and prayers.

The New Year can also be overwhelming as I think of "getting through" another year of planning, parenting, and meeting other people's expectations of me.  My job is a "people" job and there are no shortage of "people" problems.  Not a week goes by that someone doesn't request my help with an issue in his or her life.  Don't get me wrong.  I know God has asked me to help others and I am honored that He chose me for the task.  It just never gets easier to see people hurting and I wish I had more answers to people's hurts and confusion and doubts.

I know one thing for sure.  God has already seen this New Year.  He is already in it.  He knows what will happen this year.  He's leading me into it and He will give the strength, wisdom, and hope needed every step along the way.  He has good plans for this year!

Because I know God loves me perfectly, I don't have to be afraid of 2013.  Because God has promised to be the God of the impossible, I don't have to worry about the impossibilities I will face.

Last night, as we brought in the new year with our Celebrate Recovery family, I was reminded that in 2013 I want to continue to see God's hope and grace transform lives!!  And I want to be a part of a plan like that.  I won't be perfect this year, but I will be living out of God's grace for me.

Happy New Year!

Many Blessings!