Tough

It's worth repeating: "This is not how it should be. This is not how it could be. But this is how it is... and our God is in control."

These words were penned by Steven Curtis Chapman after the tragic death of his adopted daughter, and are the first words in his song, "Our God is in Control" in his most recent album, Beauty Will Rise.

As I listen to this song and so many others on this album, I can hear the pain, agony, and questioning in Chapman's lyrics, but I am also encouraged by his faith-filled proclamations. I can feel myself fighting the fight of faith with him...pushing through my pain and doubts to God's presence and power.

There have been many times in the past year when it has been hard for me to say that God is in control.

Today I attended a funeral for a young woman who seemed to have so much more life to live. I watched a mother and father and brother and husband grieve deeply and wonder how this could happen... and I had to ask God, "Why?" When I think of her sweet, young children, my heart breaks, and I wonder "Why?"

There are so many questions I can not answer. There are hurts that words can't describe.

I do know that out of the hurts in my own life, beauty is rising. Spring is coming. What was once completely ashes and ruins is being rebuilt. What has been broken is being restored...and being made better and stronger.

I will always have questions. But in my heart I will keep believing...

God is in control. And He loves me. And sees me. And cares. And can handle all my questions.

Blessings!