Playing Pretend

It's worth repeating that "...too often it is more important for a Christian couple to appear as if they have a healthy marriage than to really have one-- which requires disagreement, work, and real one-flesh unity in which both parties grow healthier." (Families Where Grace Is In Place, Jeff VanVonderen, italics mine)

One of my children's (I have three) favorite games to play is pretend.  One will say, "Let's pretend I'm a mermaid", and the other will say, "Okay, let's pretend I'm a dolphin", and then the other will say, "No, I want to be the dolphin", and then one of them will say, "Okay, you be the purple dolphin and I'll be the pink dolphin."  And then the scenarios start... "Let's pretend the mean mermaid put us in the sea dungeon and we can't get out..." and on and on they go, pretending away...

It's a fun game for kids, but unfortunately many of us don't grow out of pretending.  We pretend things are better than they really are.  We pretend we're doing okay when we're really not. We pretend we have it all together when instead we feel as though we're falling apart.  We pretend we have a growing, vibrant relationship with our spouse, but really we resent him/her for past hurts and disappointments.

Why do we do this?  I believe there's a couple reasons.  One is we just don't know where to start.  It's way too much work to have a godly marriage so we settle for a marriage that APPEARS godly and okay to others, but is anything but if we're really honest with ourselves.

Secondly, though, I think somewhere in our minds we have this idea that we have to APPEAR perfect or we won't be acceptable... and unfortunately, we find this "pretending disease" even in the church, where we are supposed to come as we are, confess our sins to one another, and sharpen and encourage one another.

We've all been there, right?  We're on the way to church, and we are in the middle of a heated argument... and then we walk into church and we are once again the Brady Bunch-- no problems, no hurts, no failures... then we leave, and go right back to the craziness that is our reality.

For some reading this blog, your marriage or circumstances may seem hopeless, beyond repair, and no one even knows because you are so afraid of being judged or the subject of someone's gossip circle or admitting that things are much worse than what they seem because that would be admitting failure.  And what would people think?  The truth is people are going to think whatever they want to think.  You can't control what people think.  But you can stop the "pretending" once and for all!

Can I just ask you to find someone you can trust and talk to them..be real..be honest.. We have to get to a point when we care more about getting healed then getting people's approval and acceptance.

And if you are a Christ-follower, ask God to help you be a safe person for people to be real with.. a person who prays instead of gossips, a person who loves instead of judges, a person who listens and doesn't always have to give advice...

I personally love when people are real with me... I know then that I can be real with them, too!

So, stop pretending... There are people who love you and accept you..the REAL you in your REAL life circumstances... and there is Jesus..oh, how He loves us!

Blessings!